Let's face it.
It's a busy world and it gets harder and harder each day to create a profitable
religious cult, be the messiah as well as looking after the kids and washing
the car on the weekend.
is an exciting new concept
in the religious fraud industry:
You've seen our clients, now
join the team that made them household names!
For a mere 10% of gross
turnover, we'll establish and maintain the infrastructure of a major
credible cult, handle media management and even organise spectacular mass
suicides (as an optional extra).
You be the messiah.
We'll be the manager!
Rolls-Royce hire for "congregation"
Airport surveillance and "warning
off" of rival cult representatives
Spectacular media stunts (miracles
Discounted weapons hire for demonstration
Explosives at reasonable prices
Exotic pharmaceutical products
for your disciples (Cyanide a speciality)
Religious tracts created according
to your chosen creed
Legal representation can be arranged
if you would like the GOLD SERVICE OPTION of having your cult established
as a government-recognised tax-deductible religion.
Contracting of semi-credible academic
and Hollywood types to testify that they endorse only your faith.
Taxation management to establish
and maintain secure trusts, havens, Swiss accounts to protect your "god-given"
Contracting of specialist composers
to produce new-age musical mood music to enhance spiritual connectivity
and financial contributions.
Traditional psalms available upon
Bible manufacture: outline your
manifesto and our team of advertising executives will flesh it out to a
convincing 100,000 word bible. If you can't think of a manifesto,
we'll invent one for you (for an extra fee).
Expert "historical research" to
provide suggestions that your cult is at least 1000 years old, or even
pre-dates Christianity (this is a GOLD SERVICE OPTION available for an
Regular well-publicised and vitriolic
attacks on established religions, political leaders and other sacred cows
when your ratings slip below pre-determined levels
Media stunts available upon request
Logo design (sorry: the crucifix
has already been reserved by another client but thousands of others remain.
Ask to see our Ikon Register)
Messiah creation. We can
create credible messiahs and prophets throughout history to reinforce the
belief that your religion was coming.
What other organisation outside
the Vatican* offers such professional support and credibility?
Note: do not apply for representation
by our organisation if:
you really do believe you are either
the messiah or a divinity
you plan to waste income on the poor,
sick or hungry
you have a prior history of (financially
unsuccessful) mental illness
you intend to declare religious wars
on any other of our clients
"The Vatican", "The Pope" and
"The Spanish Inquisitiion" are registered trademarks of the Roman Catholic
Church, Pty Ltd.